The Unbucket List: Thoughts on Aging, Thinking, and Aging Well

Notes and thoughts for June 2025

And, of course, flowers!

The flowers are blooming! Poppies and lilies and wildflowers! An explosion of color, and every day there is something new! Isn’t it glorious?

I get to see this outside my window everyday, all because we were brave enough to pull up our grass and replace it with bags of flowers: a mix of perennials and annuals, a mix of specific favorites (like the poppies) and local native wildflowers, a mix of bulbs and seeds. I did, also, notify our city zoning office that we were opting into a native landscaping plan, registered with several animal and bird and insect support groups as native habitats, and bought signs like “native plants” and “no mow lawn” from a local garden center. I want to make it clear that my yard is not a mess gone wild but rather a purposefully supported chaos of natural joy!

The Unbucket List

I’m been thinking a lot, this month, about thinking, about who we are, and about aging.

I wrote a monthly column for my high school newspaper thirty years ago, and many of my columns back in the 1990s connected to the books, movies, and songs I loved. So much of what I write now still connects to those themes! It’s funny how the core things we love may shift in the details, but tend to stay consistent across a lifetime.

But we also pick up a lot of things along the way that we think we “should” do or think we “should want” to do. The work goals we want to achieve, the big trips we plan. I’ve known more than a few people who keep a Trulia house list for when they win the lottery. And of course, there is the modern society phenomenon of “the Bucket List” – all the things you want to do, and all the places you want to go, before you kick the bucket and are no longer around to do them.

I was thinking about all of that recently – and I thought to myself – I don’t want to write a bucket list. I want to write an UNBUCKET LIST. I want to write down all the things I’ve accumulated through adulthood of “wants” and “ought tos” and “should dos” and “should want” that I can let go of. I want to let them go of and set the “ONE BIG GOAL” of just being here, right now, happy with who I am, what I have, where I am. It doesn’t mean I won’t do more things or go more places – but it means I am letting go of the modern society belief that accomplishing those things – doing those things to check them off a list – will make me “happy” or “better” or “more accomplished.” It also means letting go of the outcomes I’ve picked up as wants along the way, so I can focus on the process. Like, for the last year, I’ve been learning guitar. It’s been so fun to learn a musical instrument as an adult just because I want to, with no pressure, no requirements, just the fun of the journey.

I wrote my unbucket list – all the places I’ve always said “I WANT TO TRAVEL TO XXXX” and all the things I’ve said “I WANT TO ACCOMPLISH YYYY” and I swear that my neck and back feel lighter for having let it go.

You try it. Burn your bucket list. Write your unbucket list. Let it go. Accept who you are. Where you are. When you are. Feel that freedom. Feel that reduction of tension on your neck, of pressure and weight on your back. And let me know how it feels.

I am just finishing up this book:

Roland Allen’s (2024) The Notebook: A History of Thinking on Paper. You can learn more on his website: https://roland-allen.com/

It is so very interesting, and a great exercise in thinking about the ways in which you use paper (and notebooks) in your own life. I’ve had a journal or diary or notebook in some form for most of my life (my mom captured and saved a few childhood ones, as well as a few that I did with my grandma, when I was just learning how to write, and those make for lovely memories).

I currently have several. One in my purse for odds-and-end notes at doctor appointments and errands. One in my bedroom closet for end-of-the-day thoughts and reflections. One by my desk for notes, meetings, and other things-to-capture. And then a small pocket-sized to capture the to-dos and odds-and-ends that would otherwise keep me awake at night. For me, journals are a tool to help me think, help me process, and me make sense and order of the world around me.

If you read the book, and think about your own use of paper – let me know! I’d love to hear what makes sense for you!

I just finished watching:

My mom and I just completed the Taiwanese comedy-drama series about supporting an aging parent, Forget You Not, on Netflix. https://www.netflix.com/title/81730393

It allowed us to have a lot of good conversation, about our shared time together almost thirty years ago, when I helped her care for my grandparents at the end of their lives. It also supported us in having good conversations about how we navigate and work together during this later part of her life.

Some questions for you:

Have you talked to your loved ones about your health and your needs, whatever your age is? Do you have a will and a living will? Do your loved ones know who your doctor is, what medications you take, etc.? This is as important if you’re mid-life like me, or older like my mom. Societally, we don’t like to talk about aging and death. But personally, from all of my years working with older adults in adaptive fitness settings, and from caretaking for several family members at end of life, I think it’s a lot easier to enjoy and make the most of life, at any age, when we aren’t afraid of death.

And while we’re here, as my mom shows regularly, aging well isn’t complicated (the principles are clear), but it is a lot of daily work. Staying fit as you age requires a lot of small decisions and actions all put together so that you can be your best at every age.

If you haven’t ever watched it, don’t forget that I have ALL OF MY THOUGHTS about How to Stay Fit as You Age in my first course from The Great Courses.

You can click here to learn more: https://www.thegreatcoursesplus.com/how-to-stay-fit-as-you-age

Which leads me to:

Research I found really interesting:

A large scale research study recently identified that 60% of stroke risk, 40% of dementia risk, and 35% of late-in-life depression risk can all be attributed to the same set of 17 behavioral / lifestyle factors. The study used a meta-analysis strategy, which is a statistical research method for looking at results across multiple studies, which allows researchers to find results that hold up across different groups and different research approaches. The results were important, but really not surprising.

Why? Because it’s all “basic” take care of yourself advice. The kind of easy to understand but hard to put into practice health advice we all know. Seriously. The authors reported that a large portion of our risk for those later in life health conditions is based on whether or not we do the healthy things we should do (get regular, moderate exercise; get enough sleep; eat a healthy diet with lots of produce and whole grains, and limited animal products and sugar; practice stress management strategies), avoid the things we shouldn’t do (primarily alcohol and smoking), and how well we work with our doctors to take good care of ourselves with age. Increases in body weight, in blood pressure, in blood sugar, in pain, and in cholesterol are all related to higher risk for stroke, dementia, and depression. But if we go back to those things that are good for us – exercise, sleep, healthy diet, stress management, the benefits are

(A) WE FEEL BETTER NOW!!! and

(B) we stay healthier as we age.

If this all sounds familiar to my followers, well, you know I’ve been suggesting gentle exercise, stress management, and rest for as long as I’ve been teaching. You’ll feel better now. And, you’ll be around for decades to keep in touch and keep me posted how you’re doing!

CNN had a summary of the article: https://www.cnn.com/2025/04/04/health/dementia-depression-stroke-17-risk-factors-wellness/index.html

And for those inclined to dig into the details, here is the original from the Journal of Neurology, Neurosurgery, & Psychiatry: https://jnnp.bmj.com/content/96/6/515

That’s all for this week. I’ll be in touch again soon.

And I promise – I really do what you to keep in touch and keep me posted! It is not an exaggeration to say that many of my longest friends found me, first, as their yoga teacher. I value each of you, and am honored to be in your lives!